The Artist JFeelgood Presents:
'SELF WORK'
2021 A Fine Art Series
Truth is pain. Pain is growth. Growth is character. Late December 2019, I changed my life forever. I decided to become sober. That meant sober from drinking a bottle of liquor everyday. That meant sober from smoking a pack of cigarettes and chewing a pack of nicotine gum everyday. That meant sober from self medicating to combat depression. That meant sober from influences in my life; people, places, music, movies, books, internet. That meant sober from the entire life I had been living up until that point. It meant a sober look in the mirror and asking myself difficult questions. Questions that only I could think to ask myself and answers only I could offer myself.
Through various interactions with people, I am witness to my character through both my reaction/response to our social experience together as well as theirs. A growing humility surfaced in much of my doings. Every time the humility washed over me, I noticed my mind cross-referencing experiences in my past, attempting to pair actions to potential traumas so I might identify triggers in my present. Does the caterpillar dream to be the butterfly? Does the butterfly remember the life of the caterpillar? I know that the life I led was exhaustive and often unfulfilling. I wanted accountability for that. I wanted to own the responsibility for that. I wanted to know why I was making the choices I was making, so I could more carefully craft a new life. I am still in that process.
Ego is the foundation and culprit for much of my behavior, for better or for worse. I don't like that, I certainly don't love that, but that's why this study is being done. This collection of paintings is an acknowledgement of aspects of my ego which I am aware of and patiently assessing. Much like painting is an artful process, so is the life experience... I welcome the challenge.
Below, are eight of ten in the 'Self Work' fine art series, nine and ten remain undone because self work is never finished.
Each piece is made with a simple sketch style painting on canvas, paired with and mounted on a painted stretched-canvas frame or wood-panel frame. Finishing touches are a multi-day process of epoxy resin pouring, sanding, then a second coat.
Through various interactions with people, I am witness to my character through both my reaction/response to our social experience together as well as theirs. A growing humility surfaced in much of my doings. Every time the humility washed over me, I noticed my mind cross-referencing experiences in my past, attempting to pair actions to potential traumas so I might identify triggers in my present. Does the caterpillar dream to be the butterfly? Does the butterfly remember the life of the caterpillar? I know that the life I led was exhaustive and often unfulfilling. I wanted accountability for that. I wanted to own the responsibility for that. I wanted to know why I was making the choices I was making, so I could more carefully craft a new life. I am still in that process.
Ego is the foundation and culprit for much of my behavior, for better or for worse. I don't like that, I certainly don't love that, but that's why this study is being done. This collection of paintings is an acknowledgement of aspects of my ego which I am aware of and patiently assessing. Much like painting is an artful process, so is the life experience... I welcome the challenge.
Below, are eight of ten in the 'Self Work' fine art series, nine and ten remain undone because self work is never finished.
Each piece is made with a simple sketch style painting on canvas, paired with and mounted on a painted stretched-canvas frame or wood-panel frame. Finishing touches are a multi-day process of epoxy resin pouring, sanding, then a second coat.
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Vanity24"w x 30"H x 2"D (Acrylic on canvas, epoxy resin)
The difficulties of having relationships that are honest and healthy when I am arrogant or narcissistic.
When I am selective in hearing, I feed the monster only what it wants to hear, instead of being open to opportunities for growth. |
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The King24"w x 28"H x 2"D (Acrylic on canvas, epoxy resin)
In being too bossy or vindictive, I lose sight of purpose and push others away due to uncouth behavior.
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Pride24"w x 30"H x 2"D (Acrylic on canvas, epoxy resin)
Work, no matter the urgency or size, has purpose.
If I do not enjoy it, then the effort means nothing and I miss out on life. Wisdom suggests the importance of a devoted outlook. |
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Lush24"w x 30"H x 2"D (Acrylic on canvas, epoxy resin)
The cycle of bad habits entertained by vices in excess, cleverly disguised as an aide in helping, and their various laborious, taxing, withdrawal periods.
Without them, I am the blank canvas... open to new ideas, new feelings, a new me. |
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Businessman30"w x 40"H x 2"D (Acrylic on canvas, wood panel, epoxy resin)
Alignment solely with wealth building & material systems keeps my emotional and spiritual growth inhibited.
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Best Friend30"w x 40"H x 2"D (Acrylic on canvas, wood panel, epoxy resin)
Always there.
In the shadows or in the spotlight. The monster thrives on fear and will put me in positions that make me afraid and vulnerable. With patience, I face my fears as they present themselves. Vulnerability is the precursor to authenticity. I grow bigger than my fears because I have them. What feeds the monster, feeds me. |
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Vicarious29.5"w x 30.5"H x 2"D (Acrylic on canvas, epoxy resin)
Living in the throes of imagination, I am aged by experiences of a thousand lifetimes, at the cost of growing closer to real people.
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Permission40"w x 30"H x 2"D (Acrylic on canvas, epoxy resin)
Brilliant and mighty power. Sometimes, I seek it from others long before I consider it coming from myself.
The burden of permission is great. Once I permit myself, I am then indebted to that permission. Without discipline, it is nearly impossible to return to the respect for the weight of what has been permitted. Familiarity is the greatest weakness of the evolving spirit and I long for it in all of my endeavors. Even in the unknown I find a familiar solace, a mirror of my imagination. Am I mindful of what my actions are that people consider permission in their lives? Am I mindful of the permissions I grant myself? |
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Exhibitions:
The 'Self Work' series by #JFeelgood will be on display during Chinati Weekend in Marfa, Texas at Marfa Open.
About the Artist:
#JFeelgood is working on many projects, including himself, as an artist based in Austin, TX since 2004.
