chapter eleven : The direction of love
Water hurts when you haven’t had it in a long time and you’ve been running most of the day. It almost makes your mouth drier after it’s swallowed. My eyes are closed tightly as I try to suck water out of my cupped hands. The small pool of water I found is my salvation for the moment while I catch my breath and quench my thirst. I feel compelled to look back from where I came just to retrace my footsteps. Out of exhaustion, I just sit, drinking and breathing heavily. Sometimes these human bodies really suck. Everything in me is screaming, GO! GO! GO! And this body just whimpers, no, no, no. Looking back is a waste anyway, I know full and well where I came from, it’s where I’m headed that matters.
The sun sparkles in the pool like a thousand splinters in the ripples as my hands drop water I didn’t drink. The sparkles remind of the stars on a particular night. I lose myself in the splinters of the sun dancing in the water, I find myself in a memory…
It’s night, before we sleep, we smoke a cigarette and share stories of different pasts but similar views and when she speaks my soul is warmed by her energies many hues.
When I hold her in my arms, it feels just right. It feels like I’m not forcing it and its just falling into place like perfect puzzle pieces placed by practiced puzzle players. I love to feel the warmth of her body entangled with mine as she falls asleep. It charges my heartbeat with a quick pulse of excitement because I know she has such a hard time sleeping but in our embrace her rest is deep and soothing.
I get home from working, the bed is made, laundry is put in the closet and all I can think of is how I could have this forever.
The night before, we laid silent for a good bit of time before we exchanged a particular kind of dialogue, the quiet of the night kind, the hide how you feel but still this certain level of intimacy kind. I reach for her and she comes to me. I hold her. My head nuzzled against hers, my arm wraps around her tummy like a safety belt, my legs tangled into hers and I hear her thoughts change rapidly. From there, my soul scans her body and I feel the beating of her heart racing, the quickness of her breath. She is excited, anxious, and nervous of the moment that she is held by me. In her mind she is talking to me. There is more to this than she speaks of. She does not know how she feels about me. She knows the power I have is the doorway to her greatness and somewhere in that she is curious if I will kiss her.
When we talk, we feel compelled to be honest and withhold nothing; we are scared that after finding endless connections to each other that the road will end; the honesty will pay off and pave miles more.
The lining of my stomach turns inside out to evaluate the overwhelming population of butterflies when I take a moment to look through her eyes. Her eyes are hungry for the power within me, she wants it, wants to learn of it and rise to her potential. She loves me for this possibility and because I am so giving to her.
I know that I love her, not for the reasons she loves me, but love nonetheless. I can’t seem to choose to love her as my student, sister, or lover.
I am afraid to love her as my lover.
I am afraid I already do.
I can’t see the city in the horizon yet but I can tell by the vibrations in the ground I’m going the right direction. My heartbeat has slowed with my resting and I push hard again. I can feel my heart pummel into everything it surrounds with every new beat and every beat brings me closer.
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Last Sunday I had the pleasure of attending the recent Rawhide Trails House Concert hosted by Dino Jobe and Leslie Cash. Both attended the previous engagement I had made an artful contribution towards (Crual House Concert) and asked me to have a look at their spot so that I might dream up a painting design for their scene as well.
I have been to many parties in my life, events, concerts, etc., yet this one was, in every aspect of the term, perfect. Perfectly organized, executed, directed, and perfectly fun. It was both timeless and intimate, the way a proper event should be. I am an avid fan of secular community socials and anyone with the intent of starting a new one or looking to better the one they already have, could benefit in a million ways by seeing how these two have masterfully crafted theirs.
It took me all of 8 minutes to have a vision for the new painting, which in just a few short weeks, it should be available for the public eye. All the more reason to do anything you can to attend their next show.
A bit about Betty Soo though, if I might find the words to express what it is to experience her music. She graced us with a full band, violin, drums, cello bass, and of course her and her guitar. As she humored us with a slightly cynical spin on tales past, she serenaded us with songs that caressed her voice up and into the skies in a manner which seemed to light the heavens in new ways. I felt as if I were on a rocky cliff overlooking giant waves crashing into its side, yet falling upon deaf ears. A place where thousands of years ago, men and women erected a flagpole, raising a white flag of peace, so that that all the hearts of the world might stop being broken. Over time, the flag had become forgotten, battered, torn, beaten by the wind, as all those men and women, whom just as any of us cannot live without the risk of falling in love once more. In her voice I saw all of this, and I saw myself in a new light. I understood in the duration of her performance that I must paint, i must write, i must make my films. It is everything I am and I am nothing without those things. I fall in love every time I create something new, I am always the forgotten flag of peace placed in memory of broken hearts, yearning for the next great fight on the battlefield of love.
It was such a wonderful experience and I will cherish it always. Special thanks to Dino and Leslie for inviting me. You two make the world a better place.
I was invited to create the largest painting I have ever made recently, sought out by the incredible saxophonist, Marcos Morales, and the owner of Crual tables, Matt cash, to help convey a certain feel for the Crual House Concert series atmosphere.. The painting began as a 9ft x 20ft canvas which I worked on un-stretched in the factory of White Star Manufacturing (near the F1 Track in Austin, Tx; Thank you Tina Johnson!. In an effort to consolidate the painting for transport and practical application, I cut the painting down into 3 panel sizes, where I then trafficked it to the location on Sauls Drive. There in the driveway I assembled 3 4ft x 8ft panels and stretched the canvas' before bringing them upstairs to be displayed on the stage where all the future bands that will perform there may perform in front of. It was a proud moment in Feelgood history. During my painting process, Ramblin' Erik James played his guitar, harmonica, and sang in his unique style, then graced the party with his presence and live performance, opening for the headliner, Robobilly.
Businessman's Trip, A Jonny Feelgood Production 2013, is a short satire on an experience with what is commonly known as 'Businessman's Trip' or Businessman's Lunch'.
A Social Experiment, a metaphor, a satire, and maybe, in some way or another, an explanation, but more than anything, an idea.
This film is in no way shape or form associated with the ideals and concepts upheld by Conjunctured: A Co-working Community, but we do express a great deal of gratitude for their allowing us to shoot our film there. Also, it should be known that they are awesome.
The film score was sampled from 'Hologram', by Bassnectar. Who isn't a fan of Bassnectar?
This film is in no way, shape, or form, a means to profiteer or gain anything but the enjoyment and fulfillment of the fine and exciting art of film making.
Please enjoy the film as you would a tree, sunset, or incredibly riveting piece composed by Vivaldi.
2 associates explore the deep undefinable realms of the subconscious while on a short break from the daily office grind.
The 2012 highly anticipated release of Jonny feelgood's never-before-seen series, 'Primary Instinct' was on display for one weekend only during early November. Helping to bring 'The White House on Rainey St.' onto the active Austin Nightlife scene, the entire venue was filled exclusively with Mr.Feelgood's work. Austin's Culinary DJ James Longworth threw down for 5 hours straight making for one of the most epic shows on Rainey Street all year.
The 2011 Winter Collection was showcased at this incredible venue. Hidden from the likes of city, this special place serves guests with little less than luxury. This show is from October 2011 - January 2012.
Proudly showcased various Jonny Feelgood originals from August 2011 - October 2011. A wonderful atmosphere to meet up with friends for a great meal or to have a business meeting with a low pressure feel, Trudy's has some of the best to offer in Austin, Texas.
Kathleen Fenton opened up this amazing gallery in Excelsior Springs, Missouri early 2011. Being an artist herself, she began with the idea of teaching painting classes to aspiring artists from all over, as well as showcasing work from artists around the world at her swingin' art openings. Kathleen found Jonny late 2010 inviting him to show his work in her gallery. It is one of his favorite venues to show work as well as place to visit. Mr. Feelgood teaches workshops at the Gallery off Broadway through-out the year.
Co-Hosted by the talented Photographer and Videographer Juli Applewaite, this amazing Jonny Feelgood event showcased an awesome list of performances of live music, live poetry and 3 DJ's that took everyone well into the night.
A special episode of Music In The Mix was shot same day back stage. It can be seen below.
One of the most revered summerfest's organized, this show sported made when ordered collectible Feelgood t-Shirts, live music from Los Super Avengers, Champion Bikini Contest winner, and featuring the great 'Tom-Ace' as special guest as Jonny Feelgood hosted the last Jonny Feelgood Summerfest Lakeparty.