Who is J.Feelgood?
Who am I? In this experience of consecutive moments strung together in a seemingly random collection of chaos and connection that we call life, and moreover, reality, we have with great intent and purpose, posed the question and with all that we are as living beings, consciously and subconsciously explored the definition and answer to that question.
Who am I? In the eyes of strangers to myself I have been known to be an intriguing, eccentric, profound mystery of a persona, an artist of many expressions, painting, writing, cinema, philosophy, and at the core, perhaps the most fascinating aspect of the character I am to them is my ability to be all of these things so effortlessly.
In the eyes of my friends and acquaintances, I am all of those things, yet they have a more clear and concise view of what drives me. They know me as a man who is careful, yet in love with chaos, a man who has a deep passion and respect for possibility, to such an extent that I invest in the potential in others so that they too might see the potential in themselves.
In the eyes of my lovers, I am thoughtful, generous, kind, compassionate, and exponentially patient.
To me, my greatest work of art has been, is at this moment and will be, god willing, for quite some time to come, my life as a human being. I did not always have ambitions to be an artist. When I was a boy, I wanted to be a geneticist. My Grandfather, a prominent doctor in Atlanta and graduated atomic physicist would share with me in my childhood, knowledge of quantum-electro dynamics and genetic coding, among many other fascinating subjects.
As I grew older I found an overwhelming need to connect with others, to be social. I found it difficult to relate to others as most of my peers were into sports and school agenda, while I was contemplating riddles of the universe and how everything interacts with everything else. I have painted hundreds of paintings, sold them all over the world, written countless poems, produced a handful of short films, authored a children’s book and novel, and hosted events to showcase all of my works throughout my time. Knowing all of this I feel what is important is not specifically what I’ve done or why I do what I do, but what it is that I find enjoyable in what it is about art and creating that I find beautiful.
Painting is to me as breathing is to you. I see everything as a painting; it is my way of expressing my perception of the world. I am married to it. There are times I am in love with it and when I am painting, it is as if my soul were making love to the art form itself. There are times I hate it because there is only so much it can offer me. As we all know, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
When I step out of my studio, put down the paintbrush and pick up a pen, I find my mistress. I cheat on my true love with the written word. While I feel guilt and shame in betraying what I love and respect so much, I do find in writing, a certain vulnerability, an emotional understanding, and most of all a way to create what colors cannot.
Much as a man would have a wife and perhaps a mistress, yet his passion were working on a hot rod or his sailboat in his spare time, this is how I feel about producing cinema. It is my secret passion. It is something I feel inferior in and yet love to do. When I have the time, I run with it the only way I know how. The beauty in my film work is hardly in its content, clever as it may be, but it’s the process in which I go about producing them that I love the most.
Who am I? People spend their entire lives searching for that answer and the truth is that there is no answer. All that is, is all we have, it’s what we make of it that counts. We are all artists in our own right, expressing how we feel about what we are perceiving and our place in the universe.
Constantly trying to identify and label everything. At the end of the day, at the end of this article, even at the end of this sentence, I really don’t care who I am, because I am anything I allow myself to be, which, for every aspect of the concept, is creation itself.
Love for all of you,
Season of the Scorpio
Photo by Bad JohnPaul Photography
I hadn't known of Stephen Macmillan Moser when I moved to Austin some years ago. I first heard his name during a brunch time tea with the lovely Micky Hoogendijk, as she told me about a recent photoshoot with him. Micky has a fascinating taste in people, a keen eye for the the most interesting people and magical way for capturing them on camera in a divine light. I looked Stephen up, as she mentioned he was a fashion designer, and I love fashion. We spoke here and there on facebook then decided to meet for a tea at Strange Brew Austin Coffee. There I found myself in the rare presence of a fellow in kind, a true Artist. I found that he wrote for the Austin Chronicle and took a peek at his writing style. In a similar way that i am married to my art of painting and writing is my mistress, he is married to fashion and his mistress seemed to be writing as well. Damn the written word really gets around, doesn't it? Stephen's sense of style is impeccable, bold, majestic and honestly I don't think he could even pull off wearing something less than amazing. He towers over the world in height like a shining star of style, leading by example, and trailblazing beyond look good feel good to something more like, look like a movie star feel like a movie star. The most beautiful thing about Stephen, as I have come to know him, isn't even his brilliance in fashion design. It's who he is when he writes. It has inspired me tremendously and made me fearless in a sort of way. There in a well read column, where he would delicately tap on style anecdotes and fashion trends going on around Austin, he shared his life with everyone. His loves, his passions, his romances, his lifestyle, he placed himself in a wondrous state of pure vulnerability, and when you read it, you understand those parts aren't necessarily written for everyone to read, but a way for Stephen to get his mind clear. To compose if not comb his emotions, the way he feels about the different people in his life, who he interacts with, who celebrates him and how celebrated he feels about that, his pains, his woes, it's all such a beautiful open book. There are times when I've met with him for a tea and cigarette and we catch up, discussing whatever projects we're working on and possible directions we want to go on our individual paths as artists. Despite the fact he is some 6 years overdue for a casual meeting with death, having survived cancer thus far, there is a spark in his eyes that shines from the far and great beyond, a spark undying, eternal and forever, the spark of passion. It is the very thing pumping his heart and keeping him going every single day. I feel in the time I have known him he has discovered that his passion has not been fashion after all, but exploring life and his place in it, fashion was his expression of his passion for it and he dives deeper into it a little more everyday. This is the essence of a true Artist. Most of you won't get the opportunity to get to know him, let alone meet him, or even get to see him, and as you won't ever meet another man like him (he is truly unique), I do hope you come to find someone that walks that same path of passion for life and self discovery. It's the few people like that which make the world so, so beautiful.
Wishing you all the best life has to offer, Stephen, and thank you for being a wonderful person.