 Photo by Micky Hoogendijk www.mickysees.com Who am I? In this experience of consecutive moments strung together in a seemingly random collection of chaos and connection that we call life, and moreover, reality, we have with great intent and purpose, posed the question and with all that we are as living beings, consciously and subconsciously explored the definition and answer to that question.
Who am I? In the eyes of strangers to myself I have been known to be an intriguing, eccentric, profound mystery of a persona, an artist of many expressions, painting, writing, cinema, philosophy, and at the core, perhaps the most fascinating aspect of the character I am to them is my ability to be all of these things so effortlessly. In the eyes of my friends and acquaintances, I am all of those things, yet they have a more clear and concise view of what drives me. They know me as a man who is careful, yet in love with chaos, a man who has a deep passion and respect for possibility, to such an extent that I invest in the potential in others so that they too might see the potential in themselves. In the eyes of my lovers, I am thoughtful, generous, kind, compassionate, and exponentially patient. To me, my greatest work of art has been, is at this moment and will be, god willing, for quite some time to come, my life as a human being. I did not always have ambitions to be an artist. When I was a boy, I wanted to be a geneticist. My Grandfather, a prominent doctor in Atlanta and graduated atomic physicist would share with me in my childhood, knowledge of quantum-electro dynamics and genetic coding, among many other fascinating subjects. As I grew older I found an overwhelming need to connect with others, to be social. I found it difficult to relate to others as most of my peers were into sports and school agenda, while I was contemplating riddles of the universe and how everything interacts with everything else. I have painted hundreds of paintings, sold them all over the world, written countless poems, produced a handful of short films, authored a children’s book and novel, and hosted events to showcase all of my works throughout my time. Knowing all of this I feel what is important is not specifically what I’ve done or why I do what I do, but what it is that I find enjoyable in what it is about art and creating that I find beautiful. Painting is to me as breathing is to you. I see everything as a painting; it is my way of expressing my perception of the world. I am married to it. There are times I am in love with it and when I am painting, it is as if my soul were making love to the art form itself. There are times I hate it because there is only so much it can offer me. As we all know, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. When I step out of my studio, put down the paintbrush and pick up a pen, I find my mistress. I cheat on my true love with the written word. While I feel guilt and shame in betraying what I love and respect so much, I do find in writing, a certain vulnerability, an emotional understanding, and most of all a way to create what colors cannot. Much as a man would have a wife and perhaps a mistress, yet his passion were working on a hot rod or his sailboat in his spare time, this is how I feel about producing cinema. It is my secret passion. It is something I feel inferior in and yet love to do. When I have the time, I run with it the only way I know how. The beauty in my film work is hardly in its content, clever as it may be, but it’s the process in which I go about producing them that I love the most. Who am I? People spend their entire lives searching for that answer and the truth is that there is no answer. All that is, is all we have, it’s what we make of it that counts. We are all artists in our own right, expressing how we feel about what we are perceiving and our place in the universe. Constantly trying to identify and label everything. At the end of the day, at the end of this article, even at the end of this sentence, I really don’t care who I am, because I am anything I allow myself to be, which, for every aspect of the concept, is creation itself. Love for all of you, - J.Feelgood
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It will always be you. I know this because you stir my heart like no other. Because in all my works of art, you are my fuel, you are the air I am breathing, and maybe I am the fool for loving you so very much, as I do, but how can one refrain from what compels him so? It's that between time and space, I still feel you, among the many, there is no hiding the real you from me, your eyes are still those lovely ones I know and beyond that measure my heart for you still grows. In words of yours, I can hear your song, and even now I can write and speak of you in such a way all the day is long. When we meet in the meadow, and I feel our souls touch, it's all I ever wanted, ever needed, and it's always just enough. I know it's you because for you I always choose to be patient and kind, to listen and heed to your wise advice. You're my mirror, my reflection, my love, and my resurrection. No matter how little the words I can gainfully employ to describe all that you are, you are more than the ever present sunset, you are my star.
That being said, let us dreamshift. This year I have found myself. I sacrificed all that I had in order to do so, and with the love, kindness, and support of others, I was able to survive what the universe deemed necessary to find me bowing before its greatness. What i have discovered in the great expanse of all there is out there and within here, is a great and single truth: The universe shall provide. It may drag you kicking and screaming, undergoing tedious scenarios that inspire ample doubt in the plans of the universe, but always, always, always, everything you are going through is a part of something bigger than you, and you are so very important, as tiny and fragile as you are, so that the whole ordeal may be seen through. Whether you are living or dying, you being here to experience at all is just as important as an ant making its way or a star twinkling high in the beyond of which we dream upon. Surrender to it. Believe in it. Trust it. It is why you are here and that deserves respect. Now lets dreamshift again. Here I am, with immense peace of mind, humbled by the universe, having a new respect for all that I am, all that i am apart of, and my individual place in everything, accepting that we are all of this status, in this way we are created equal, our bodies are each a temple built in honor of the great machine of the universe at work. It is our duty to honor the temple by taking great care of it. The rest of my life will be dedicated to showing that appreciation for the vessel i have been given. See you next year Feelgood Fans. I love you and thank you for your support. <3 -J.Feelgood  As all great things come about in the patience of time, so it seems my post regarding Life Diet come into fruition, yet it is upon an experience that brings a sense of inspiration which compels me to share with all of you what thoughts and revelations were born.
Today I shared a favorite pastime of delighting in a spot of tea with my dear friend Rachel Biggs, a masseuse and profound person. As all of our conversations tend to go, they delve deep within ourselves and experiences to share groundbreaking, self evaluating, life changing epiphanies with each other that can do no less than inspire the other for more of said spiritual growth. Today's tea we discussed my recent endeavors and how far I have come in my experience since beginning my Life Diet. While it has been the best thing I have ever done and I have found great strength in it, I have come to a point of imbalance. My struggle lately has been to figure just what exactly is imbalanced, so that I may solve the core issue. I know that I am happy. I have fun, socialize, enjoy every moment I am alive, create, share, love others, love myself, and yet all of these wonderful things aside, I have found a part of me that seems to diminish a little more each day. Before my Life Diet revelation this summer, I had a great routine of waking up at 7:30am and hitting the gym. I would eat well (and healthy), do some work for the business I run, then hit the town at night. Until my Life Diet, there was a sense of emptiness in all of that. Curious enough, in my transition and re-evaluation of my life and what is important to me in the Life Diet process, my work-out routine and eating healthy seemed to fall to the wayside as creating and socializing with like-minded and positive compatriots seemed to become my top priority. While it may seem to be quite obvious, as most obvious things often take state of obvious slightly after the case of consequence, I began to noticed that even though my happiness was at an all time high, my health was not. Then the question comes into play of sustainability. What is a life for living if a life not fully nurtured? I've written before how you are your own best friend. You were there when you were born, you'll be there when you die, you know how you like to be touched, what movies you like to watch, foods you like to eat, what fears you may have, what makes you smile, and knowing that about someone, knowing such intimate personal details about someone, gives weight and great value to that friendship. A friendship that close means you would never do anything to hurt them, in fact you would go out of your way to protect them, to help them because you want them to have the most out of their life experience. Let me advocate this point from another angle, in that the body is a temple, a castle, a home for the soul. Ideally, one would tend to their home or place of solace with great care, respect, and devotion. (Granted, I have seen many homes that certainly lack the aforementioned, please note that I began that sentence with, 'Ideally".) Without this temple, there is no great spirit to be housed or celebrated, and in basic, you're basically dead or dying. Let's get even deeper. When I think of the person closest to me, who I think the most highly of, I think of my brother. I hold him in such high regard that I would sacrifice anything and everything to know he is well. My brother, in his infinite wisdom, knows better and would say (in different words but something of the kind) a man who sacrifices everything has nothing, while a man who takes care of himself, provides for himself, nurtures himself, has everything to give. Which goes back to the old saying, you cannot love another until you love your self. The prolific point of that statement is often misconceived in regards to find one's mate of matrimony or spouse, when in truth it means when you love yourself, it is such an eternal fountain of love that you cannot help but have enough for everything and everyone. It means you really and truly appreciate all that you are apart of in the miracle of the life experience. Let's go back up for air. To harmonize a balance in your life, you must love yourself. In order to sustain that you must nurture that love by taking great care of the body that gets you around on the day to day. That means exercising, working out, or some sort of physical activity (regularly), in addition to eating right and eating well. It also means being responsible for yourself and your actions. It means not putting yourself in situations that might compromise your ability to have as many doors open to explore the next day as you did today, if not more. Tomorrow or maybe even 10 years from now, you may want something you never knew you wanted, and again, as obvious as it may seem, take care and be wise to allow yourself as much of a chance to be able to have that want and provide for it when the day comes. Your best friend will look out for you, i'm sure of it. That's what they're there for. Until next time, keep up the great work in exploring yourself and your place in the universe. You're doing wonderful at it. -J.Feelgood  I had a pupil of mine stop by for a session yesterday and we went over the points highlighted in my Art of Happiness article from several months ago. One of the parts he had difficulty with was loving himself. I felt, as I aim to progress sharing the concept of a Life Diet with all of you, that this is one of the key elements to being successful in the endeavor.
It's interesting to me that it could be such a difficult thing to love oneself. We all grow up in contrasting social developments and yet in them, we have one common veil that blinds us all. The only real way to grow as a spiritual being is to think and feel as the soul that you are. We must separate yourself from the idea of being a mere animal foxtrotting about with a material purpose and obligation to the benefit of others before ourselves. I realize that last part sounds a bit bold, but as a dear friend told me once upon an epiphany, "The best way to help others is to help yourself." Let's dive into the construct of the veil that blinds us. There are two kinds of paradigms that should be noted first. 1. Those who attempt to desperately control their reality, which is an impossibility, thus futile and a negative. 2. Those who create their reality, which is encumbered by endless possibility, a positive. The veil that blinds us in the trial of identity itself. When we are born we know only the love of our maker and beyond that, there is a constant battle of people vying for identifying us as extensions of their own ego. Imagine being a guest in a new country. You don't know the language and everyone is dressed in outfits you've never seen before. They have cultural traditions that make no sense at all. All of them want you to be like them, wear their outfits, speak their tongue, and take part in the activities that make them feel as though they are one with something. That is you the moment you are born. The best thing to do, as difficult as it is and insane to comprehend at first is to try to realize just how much you do not know, for example, you know just as much about what is going on inside of you as you do the strange and miraculous world around you. The body is a machine. The mind is a computer. The soul is the operator. That was the hard part, the rest is easy. First of all, you have to disassociate the labels of the constructs in your memory data storage in order to begin the process of self-ratification, then, re-identify those pre-existing constructs with labels you identify with as your own. Think back to when you saw your first circle. If this is difficult, fast forward to the first time someone identified that object as a circle. This person is responsible for defining how you think to this day. Disassociate this memory. Forget that person and their label for that object. Call it whatever you wish, you may even call it a circle, but it is your label now, your construct. Repeat this step for every single construct in your data core. Fundamental objects are like elements, they are constructs for complex real time parameters, just as elements are used to create complex compounds. Unraveling this a bit further, understand what it means that your mind is a computer. It utilizes hardware, software, electricity, etc. When you disassociate your pre-existing labels you are free to see your mind at work and how every moment you are associating, referencing, labeling, filing, and documenting the world around you. The goal now, is to isolate the various programs at work, they will be running simultaneously or triggered after certain circumstances. Isolate, identify, prioritize and execute new commands. Take a moment now to soak all of that in. The universe doesn't understand labels. It isn't in its language. All it knows is beauty because the universe is a constant explosion of perfect moments becoming new perfect moments becoming new perfect moments becoming new perfect moments, etc. Self love is accepting that you are another perfect moment of the universe, you are the universe, just as your nose is you, your toes are you, your eyes are you, your atoms are you, all of those are part of the universe. When you step in front of a mirror, pass by a window, or look over the side of a boat into ununscathed waters and to see your reflection, all you should see is the beauty of the universe at work. When you see that, tell me, what's not to love? -J.Feelgood  Recently, in my pursuit of living my life through the steps I laid out in my earlier post, 'Art of Happiness', I have come to find that it can go so much deeper than merely the steps listed. Much like when you are in a dream and lock on to something, focusing on it, it doesn't ever stay that same construct you originally saw, it sort of evolves in slow motion, only to reiterate how everything around us in a constant state of change. All that aside, I'd like to introduce everyone to a philosophy and lifestyle remedy I have coined as, 'Life Diet'.
This is a powerful tool. It's almost so powerful that it's not for just anybody. It takes a serious amount of conviction and living with great intent. It means being able to know what is right for you (not the same as what society or anybody else dictates as to what is right for you) and being able to focus on positive things, people, and circumstances. What you may read in this post may not sit right with you, it may not be something you feel comfortable doing, but for people in your shoes there are wonderful institutions with rules you can follow to make you feel like you're accomplishing something with your existence put in place such as church, AA, and any other groups that harbor a secular identity and mantra to keep exclusivity appeal in order to fund infrastructure and administration costs. Those institutions are not bad things, and you're not bad for taking part in, supporting, or enjoying your time spent there. They're great for people who want something more out of life but aren't really sure what or where it is. Fortunately, I'm writing down, expressing into words, as clear and concise as I possibly can so that 1. I can better understand the journey I am on of taking my life experience to a new level and 2. Inspiring any one of you to become more than what you are in all your endeavors. What is a Life Diet? A Life Diet is much like a nutritional diet. While nutrition is a very important part of a good Life Diet, it is certainly not the only aspect. A Life Diet is basically the process of trimming out all or as many negative influences from your life as possible in order to maintain a positive state of progression and live the life that was originally meant for you. It is a multiple phase process that involves a great deal of courage in facing the unknown, yet when one realizes that we are always facing the unknown, it is the embracing it that makes us strong, and this is the essence of what a Life Diet can do for you. It allows you to allow yourself to be fully engaged in your life experience. Over the next few blog posts I will share in depth what you can do to implement this incredible purging process into your life and you will be forever transformed into the you that you have always dreamed that you could be. -J.Feelgood |
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